Memories are funny. Traumatic events in life are often seared into the core of our memories.
Traumatic memories affect different people differently, but I suppose no matter who you are they resurface both when intentionally recalled and when unintentionally triggered. Today, I’m going to intentionally recall one for this blog. But to be fair this memory surprised me a couple days ago after laying dormant for probably over a decade.
So often these seared-in memories are experienced, for me anyway, in snippets. They are usually immediately re-filed unless they arise in conversation. Even then, the whole memory is not explored - only the essence needed for the topic of conversation. This time I’m going to try to remember it and reveal it in its entirety.
This story starts with an eleven year old me and a seven year old brother.
We attended a small private school at that time. Every school day we would walk to a neighborhood intersection to catch a ride to school. We didn’t catch a bus, but one of the teachers lived nearby so we walked to meet him on the corner. It was on his way to the school. It was a good and convenient arrangement.
On our walk we would often find treasures to bring home. On one particular day we came upon a pine root about three feet long. It tapered on one end and had a knob at the top. It looked like walking cane the aging Bilbo Baggins might have used. The knob end had clearly been pulled from the ground as it had a few sharp points on it.
As boys did at the time, a game of war broke out in the neighborhood one afternoon. Whether it was “Cowboys & Indians” or “Germans & Americans” I can no longer recall. Of course in the game no one ever admits to being killed and everyone claims their shots were true. As one boy rounded the corner of the house I “shot” at him and he “shot” at me with our imaginary guns. “Bang, bang! you’re dead!” “No I’m not! You missed! I shot you first!”
My little brother, unbeknownst to me, stood behind me intent to join the fray - though clearly not invited to play with the “big boys.” I heard from behind me, “I got him!” Then everything went black.
Next moment I recall, I am sitting on the front porch with mom holding the back of my head. The pine root had become Cain’s club - though wielded without malice or jealousy.
In today’s world a trip to the hospital would be the standard procedure - but money was tight. So, my parents took me to the kitchen table and Dad put two stitches in the back of my head. My parents monitored me to assure I wasn’t vomiting or getting sleepy.
Days passed and I healed and all that remains now is a memory and a small divot in the back of my head hidden by hair.
Returning to the car stop awaiting a ride for school some weeks later I discovered another treasure. It was a metal ring about three or four inches across. I played with it in my hand. I shared my find with my brother and he returned it to me. We eventually arrived at the stop and I became bored with the ring. I asked my brother, “You want this?” “No”, he replied. I then tossed it across the road. “Wait! I want it!” “I asked. If you wanted it - go get it if you want it.”
Now, it was a road, but it wasn’t a busy road. It was a typical suburban housing road with light but occasional 25 mph traffic. Looking both ways my brother crossed and after a little searching found the ring. He prepared to return across the road. He looked right then left. He had to wait on two cars. He then looked left and waited on another car. Then he darted across the road and was hit by a car coming from the right.
He flew into the air and bounced twice on the graveled pavement. I fell my knees and screamed, “God! No!” It was not a request. I confess it was a command. I then got up and went to my brother lying unconscious on the road. In my mind I needed to move him out of the road so he didn’t get hit again.
Fortunately, some of the neighbors stopped me, covered my brother with a blanket, called an ambulance, and sent me to inform my mom. I ran home.
For some reason I went to the front door and knocked. I told mom and she stood there in disbelief and said, “No! no?!??” And she froze. After a moment I said, “You can stay, but I’m going back.” Then I turned to leave. At which point she said, “Wait! I’m coming.” We both ran to the stop. In the process, I too, ran out in front of a car and placed my hand on the hood as I crossed the street. It was barely moving but I had failed to pay attention.
Eventually, the ambulance arrived. There was a lot of people milling about and talking while they loaded up my brother. Somehow I was permitted to ride in the back of the ambulance and talked with the paramedics as they stabilized him. There remain only visual memories of that.
Much is a blur after that. There were days and weeks at the hospital. There were cancelled summer plans. There were weeks of recovery for him at home. There were interviews with insurance companies or lawyers or something.There was a wedding where he limped down the aisle as a ring bearer several months later.
A club and a ring. They are tied together because of their proximity in time and place. They were also the source of teasing. “You tried to club me to death. I just played ring toss.”
It wasn’t the only traumatic event in my life - but it was the first. In the end we recovered. We still remember. Sometimes on purpose. Sometimes not. It remains part of me - no matter what. And you know, I still find treasures.




